These days I feel so caged and always in a thinking mode like 3 years back, I worry that I will go back to ignoring everything. I still remember three years back when i had this similar problem, i will go lectures in class but i would not hear anything in class, when it ends and then i will leave. If my memory does not fail me, almost everyday after class, my mentor would stop me and give me a full 15 to 30 minutes lecture regardless if i have class or not right after hers. I could clearly remember I forgot what it was like to cry, i feel so sad and down but in the same time unable to express or tell why i would feel that way. Every night in my sleep that time, i would cry endlessly before i sleep and then can't sleep the whole night. Yes i realised i forgot how to cry, but when night came, it came naturally. At some rare occurences also, I would watch a comedy or even any show and then suddenly tears will roll down.

It is so hard sometimes when we have so much inside us but we are unable to explain why we felt that way.It hurts, it really does. At that point, you are thinking of telling someone of what you feel but coming to think of it, who would you trust and pick to tell your tales to. When sometimes we do the wrong actions or even say the wrong things, we tend to hurt others. This is not the worst part of the wrong step, but what really kills you is when you can't tell that person why you did this or say that just because it is a secret that no one can ever ever know. How many secrets can you keep in yourself?

Ok, so be it, we seek guidance in forms of encouragement from others, but how would you work on it? At the breaking point, would you be able to discern between what is right and wrong and what truly works for you? I can assuredly say NO. Then what about yourself? Are you able to solve it by yourself? the answer is also NO. No one can actually solve problems by themselves but actually when coupled with help, it will enlighten the burden and the problem would soon dissolve. At some point of time, what happens when you can't say anything to that particular person and afraid doing so just because he or she might tell the other? Wouldn't you choose to hold back and then shut up so that the he or she wouldn't know at all?

Have you tried using anonymous names when telling problems? i hate using those, instead i would choose not to talk about it at all. Confused i am at this state of disease, so malignant, so deadly, so hurtful....So i guess i would just keep it as a secret. Shhhhh.....

These days I feel so caged and always in a thinking mode like 3 years back, I worry that I will go back to ignoring everything. I still remember three years back when i had this similar problem, i will go lectures in class but i would not hear anything in class, when it ends and then i will leave. If my memory does not fail me, almost everyday after class, my mentor would stop me and give me a full 15 to 30 minutes lecture regardless if i have class or not right after hers. I could clearly remember I forgot what it was like to cry, i feel so sad and down but in the same time unable to express or tell why i would feel that way. Every night in my sleep that time, i would cry endlessly before i sleep and then can't sleep the whole night. Yes i realised i forgot how to cry, but when night came, it came naturally. At some rare occurences also, I would watch a comedy or even any show and then suddenly tears will roll down.

It is so hard sometimes when we have so much inside us but we are unable to explain why we felt that way.It hurts, it really does. At that point, you are thinking of telling someone of what you feel but coming to think of it, who would you trust and pick to tell your tales to. When sometimes we do the wrong actions or even say the wrong things, we tend to hurt others. This is not the worst part of the wrong step, but what really kills you is when you can't tell that person why you did this or say that just because it is a secret that no one can ever ever know. How many secrets can you keep in yourself?

Ok, so be it, we seek guidance in forms of encouragement from others, but how would you work on it? At the breaking point, would you be able to discern between what is right and wrong and what truly works for you? I can assuredly say NO. Then what about yourself? Are you able to solve it by yourself? the answer is also NO. No one can actually solve problems by themselves but actually when coupled with help, it will enlighten the burden and the problem would soon dissolve. At some point of time, what happens when you can't say anything to that particular person and afraid doing so just because he or she might tell the other? Wouldn't you choose to hold back and then shut up so that the he or she wouldn't know at all?

Have you tried using anonymous names when telling problems? i hate using those, instead i would choose not to talk about it at all. Confused i am at this state of disease, so malignant, so deadly, so hurtful....So i guess i would just keep it as a secret. Shhhhh.....