Sunday, August 31, 2008
Secrets are best kept folded in our own hearts
These days I feel so caged and always in a thinking mode like 3 years back, I worry that I will go back to ignoring everything. I still remember three years back when i had this similar problem, i will go lectures in class but i would not hear anything in class, when it ends and then i will leave. If my memory does not fail me, almost everyday after class, my mentor would stop me and give me a full 15 to 30 minutes lecture regardless if i have class or not right after hers. I could clearly remember I forgot what it was like to cry, i feel so sad and down but in the same time unable to express or tell why i would feel that way. Every night in my sleep that time, i would cry endlessly before i sleep and then can't sleep the whole night. Yes i realised i forgot how to cry, but when night came, it came naturally. At some rare occurences also, I would watch a comedy or even any show and then suddenly tears will roll down.
It is so hard sometimes when we have so much inside us but we are unable to explain why we felt that way.It hurts, it really does. At that point, you are thinking of telling someone of what you feel but coming to think of it, who would you trust and pick to tell your tales to. When sometimes we do the wrong actions or even say the wrong things, we tend to hurt others. This is not the worst part of the wrong step, but what really kills you is when you can't tell that person why you did this or say that just because it is a secret that no one can ever ever know. How many secrets can you keep in yourself?
Ok, so be it, we seek guidance in forms of encouragement from others, but how would you work on it? At the breaking point, would you be able to discern between what is right and wrong and what truly works for you? I can assuredly say NO. Then what about yourself? Are you able to solve it by yourself? the answer is also NO. No one can actually solve problems by themselves but actually when coupled with help, it will enlighten the burden and the problem would soon dissolve. At some point of time, what happens when you can't say anything to that particular person and afraid doing so just because he or she might tell the other? Wouldn't you choose to hold back and then shut up so that the he or she wouldn't know at all?
Have you tried using anonymous names when telling problems? i hate using those, instead i would choose not to talk about it at all. Confused i am at this state of disease, so malignant, so deadly, so hurtful....So i guess i would just keep it as a secret. Shhhhh.....
Friday, August 29, 2008
The Best Damn Thing
These folks were fighting for a spot in tutorial class
The one standing got rejected..yes sorry jojo!
Hold your breath folks..so whoa!
The Reason for my post to be titled like this happens for a cause.hahah..Yes yes, I have let go two free tickets to Avril's concert to9.Hey, not my intention mah, i was hoping me mom n sis n go together.Oh well..so sorry jojo!
Todays MCS class with Ruly...oh man..drama drama..Mom n I talked through the whole class, people were whispering and a dude was sleeping.The funny thing was Mr R was talk about cultures, and then i dunno if he noticed the guy who slept when he spoke.He went like this, "Now, different countries will have different cultures like for example when you are in the class, you don't sleep in class" LOL..(capital!).
It was the 1st time mom n i shoved our right ear with the ipod n then listened to the lecture, man ...he was boring!. Oh well, we had this amazing potato wedges garnished with herbs n all and I specifically requested for mayo to go with.Yes brendan, very sinful!
Oh well, imma go brainwash my head with some MCS lecture notes n revise for the subjects..Till then...cheers!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Breaking Point
Let us go back a little to physics 101, yeah..rewind back time a little. If you faithful and new blog readers of mine still remember the formula F=kx. Yes that formula, where load is placed on a spring, the spring will lengthen or extend to a certain point. haha..i bet you guys will screw me when you see me, what physics lesson in a blog? My point here is this, I'm experiencing that condition in my phase of my life now. As it is, we humans are always striving to do our best and give our best in whatever we do.Well, i'm not sure if it applies to all but its ringing a bell in my own head. But when we do too much and the word i wish to stress here is 'too much', this strive for excellence becomes a burden and a hindrance. When we as an individual stretch ourselves so much until it is beyond our original limit, a scenario or a psychological condition called the 'breaking point' would appear.
I sometimes wonder, at times when someone else is having problems, I go all out to help that someone.But when I have the problem, the equation goes the other way.HELP+SINCERITY doesnt equal to True Friendship.I am so exhausted and deprived of true attention from the people i care. Why? Why would I be a puppet playing the role in other people's lives while they take advantage of me. Look here, I'm not Pinnochio and you guys ain't Gepetto.Get your thoughts straight.For one, when I am having my problems or facing my darkest fears, you guys cut away the strings attached to me and just leave.
Answer me now, why is it that you guys always come to me when you have problems? Is it because I will do whatever it takes to solve and help, or because I am just a puppet in your life for you guys to pull the string and make me walk your way? I don't want be no faker. I would not want to fake my emotions. Whenever you guys have your problems, it comes crashing down on me, but I still smile and then help you guys go the other way around.Why? Why go through all that fuss? This is because I believe(oh sorry), I THOUGHT you guys would do the same when I have my own problems. How stupid of me, karma never comes, retribution will only come.
Believe it or not, I stretch my boundaries for you guys.I can surely say, when I have the problem, you guys would just listen to me and then change the topic. Sincerity is not just a word in the dictionary, sincerity is only evident when someone truly acts it out and means it. Its not a character in Shakespeare's play.
In essence, I'm now like a balloon filling up bigger and bigger and waiting to burst someday.On that day I burst, I don't think your puppet will act out the whole puppet show for you. Oh someday, but I'm still trying to be sober.
P.S: Miss M, I'm not kiasu.I read my stuff.The term you guys is not directed at a specific person or groups, so please do not be offended.Yes, this is an angry post and sorry for that.This is a short poem i spontaneously thought.Enjoy
Rain,
for you are cold,
You silenced all my tears,
You shadowed all my fears.
Night,
for you are dark,
I see the true colors of others,
I realise the true intention of fakers.
Love,
for you are mighty,
But where were you when I need you most,
You hid,
Beneath....
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Personality Test
Adhering to my lecturer's requests, i completed the Carl Jung Personality test..and the results...
hahhh.so expected ok!
Jung Test Results
Introverted (I) 72.22% Extroverted (E) 27.78%Intuitive (N) 52.08% Sensing (S) 47.92%Thinking (T) 50% Feeling (F) 50%Judging (J) 72.97% Perceiving (P) 27.03%Your type is: INTJ
Accuracy: - 5 high 4 3 2 1 low
INTJ - "Mastermind". Introverted intellectual with a preference for finding certainty. A builder of systems and the applier of theoretical models. 2.1% of total population.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Rojak
My first try in framing my pics...haha..
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
There and then the beautiful poem tells of a choice that one had to pick, but i myself loved the last two lines which i had highlighted in orange. I could still clearly remember Miss Maha's (Principles of Advertising) class that day where she made a generalisation that humans are creatures of habits.Her statement is very true.She gave us a scenario in class which my friends and I could relate to.her example says that when we enter a room or even the lecture hall which my friends and I had class, we tend to look for our friends.It has been our common habit, that when we enter the room we have a tendency to look for our friends which we know and most likely sit next to them.If it happens that we do sit with strangers even though our friends are there, well i think on that day, lightning just struck our heads and made us cuckoo.
Then again, this thought came to me when i was with kiki in curve.Kiki got a job offer to shoot a commercial for a company who develop security system called Verisign.Kiki being the mumbler, she pulls me into this job, hoping that if she doesn't get it then i would get the job.Alright, so kiki, this dude and me were in STARBUCKS in The Curve talking terms with him of the job prospects etc.This dude offers $500 to shoot two commercials which the camera and etc would be provided by our side.Well, it sounds good and all, but so many flaws just came out of the picture and so i pushed the guy's offer in the end.To juggle between studies and work is not an easy task to do.But sure enough if i am really desperate to work, i was thinking that i still have my 2 months practical training like very soon.Hence, in one swift motion and mindset, i told kiki to reject his offer.Yea, sometimes we try to dare ourselves to do beyond the ordinary or the one much doubted.But in a way, sometimes in decision-making, we have to slap (literally) ourselves back to reality.No matter how much the offer sounds good to us, let's say a multiplication of a 10 times ratio which amounts to $5000, would it be of good use?
At some time of our lives, something becomes more a priority than a liablity.For me now, studies is my number one priority and the job offered is just a liabilty.I don't want to invest time, effort and money into something which I have totally no vision in it.I don't see myself as a juggler who can balance this heavy duty work and studies altogether.Even in a relationship, it can only be one-to-one and not one to many.We must actually let go our sacrifice some part so that the other can survive.Oh, my money just flew..oh well..but my future is on hold by my own hands :)
P.S: Joanne, i updated at last..lolx
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Going that extra mile for whom?
Ping posing
Excuse me! Your hand blocking!
Let there be light!
So high school auditorium
Pompous behaviour, or even ridiculed and aggravated anger. These are some of the things I get irritated and hate to experience in these two days.If i'm nt wrong I missed blogging like 2 days? issit? I dun even know.I still drive like mad these days, swerving around bends and switching lanes like my car is a sports car which infact is just a rally car. Today's class was a first with Miss Maha who happens to spill some of her skills onthe subject Principles of Advertising.Erm as usual when i entered the class, I heard a few people shout STANLEY!!!!.But seriously speaking, I dun even know who screamed that name, which of course is acceptable since Maha hasnt enter the hse yet.Shakira was back wt her new style, and yet again the maggi mee style.Cant she just stick to her one style? Aiks..hoe.Nothing much to spit out today but just several pics in class.Random sessions.
P.S: Don't test my temper..I will wreck your bones
Monday, August 18, 2008
Dissatisfaction and Pure Misfits
Muhammad came by so I took a rare pic with him.Cool whey!
Today began at around 10.30am waking up for the 1st class of the week.Photo ethics n Mr G. dang! But then again today seemed really weird that i kept a total silent mode the whole class.vel asked me y was i so quiet today and i jst wanted to keep a lowdown n slient mode le.Anyway, there were several things that suprised and pissed me off today:
1) Some dudette wanted to screw my photo ethics assignment group by being a part of us
2) The fees for this sem that i failed to pay
3) The bastard during my yum cha session just now who jst cant stay in line..yes thaT cibai
4) The weird gardener in front of joanne's hse, i could swear he took a leak there
5) The drunk dude on the highway several 10 minutes or so just now after yum cha in ss2
That's all folks.
P.S: I'm still finding a reason why i drove at 140km/h today
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Press The PLAY Button
Consider imagining a player, it may be a tape player, cd or even a dvd player. Surely there are a few common buttons that most machines would have. For example the pause button, record button, the stop button and not forgetting the play button.
If you are able to program your life like a player, how awesome would it be? For some reasons, when we want to let the good times not end so fast, we can push the rewind button and play it over and over again.Even so, there are times when we are stuck in an unfamiliar place or being attended by someone who we don't like, the forward button would prove useful.
And of course, the favourite button of all time should be the stop button.Why is it so? All the time, we want to stop at the right places, time or even that moment. But all in all, if we could Ever programme our lives as a player, it would be Fantastic!
I want to encourage you faithful or new blog readers to press the play button. Our lives truly only revolves around the play button. No matter in good times or bad times, our lives would go on and yes there is no stop button. In a way there is, when you leave the earth. We humans are placed on earth to help each other play our tape of life well. Let the tape roll on. Think of this, wouldn't an figure ice skater want to rewind the part she fell and make it to the next round?
But seriously look at this, if she was to be given another opportunity to finish her routine, what would it turn out to be? Would she gurantee that she won't make the fall again or would she not make the fall but make other mistakes instead?
The idea is this, when we fail, we have to repent and always have the urge and drive to try again. Truly, what is more worthwhile is getting the coveted prize after trying and trying and working so hard for it. Something is only valuable, when it is hard earned. Remember, you can try to rewind your life, but don't forget your life is still playing.
-HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY TIM-
Friday, August 15, 2008
Retaliation, would you choose to do it?
Just came from the high school reunion, its now 11.16pm. We had plenty to chat and to talk about things we missed and hated back in high school As some put it, it was 4 years. Yeah, 4 years since we all last met and 4 years from high school. Oh yes, time flies. IMO, I find my life getting more enjoyable year after year. Of course simply put, high school and primary school was not an enjoyable period of time as many would love. In today's 'over the table' talk, my ex classmates start to shed some light on their campus life and how they cope with it. As one of the said, when you are starting a new sem, you get so hyped up but after several weeks, it mellows. I beg to differ from that POV. For me and passionate people like my friends and I in college, things get better and better even now I am in my 4th sem n nearly close to an end oledi very very soon.We seem to get even closer as group mates and friends, we come up with all things new and fresh ways to do things. Maybe for us, study is vital but yet we can make it our own.
Yes, this has been a draggy start from that loooooong intro.Alright.I will answer the question proposed in the title.Would you retaliate?. My answer? No. For some akward reasons, many people when offended or even threatened will retaliate in their ways.Some would say, you made me like this, now you suffer.Of course some of the really hot tempered ones would land punches and slaps(too drama kua!). I choose to not retaliate for very simple reasons.
No 1: I am a guy so I have to be open-minded
No 2: I am not that type of person who gets overeacted over petty issues
(some relevance to No 1)
No 3: Why should I get mad at someone or some people where I have so many who I adore
(Build a mountain of friends not build a mountain of enemies)
I do not understand how some people want to elevate themselves above the required distinction set in a conversation. As in, if you study Engineering and you get to pass with high distinction while others falter, you brag about it?. I believe this action is a complete waste of time. Some people would choose to place themselves so highly upon their works which in turn makes people around them see their insecurities. I let this quote I made long ago to be in this para. ,"Do not boast of other people's mistakes, but boast of their good works or success". Over the table, I see most of my friends talking humbly and listening to others will some people would just choose to live so highly in their royal throne. Life is not about comparing who's who, but life is about sharing and caring about each other. If today you are a billionaire and swimming in your pool of pound notes and bragging about how you did well, you are a failure. If today, you would share those success and try to make others as successful, I would say I give you my respect.
In short, I would just say, compare if you must, but consider it worthiness.
Signing out...
P.s: I wish to give much credit to my 'mom' and 'sis' who helped me build this site and encouraged me to do it.Thanks.LOve u guys.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Le Pasta
Feeersly, pleepare yor desiareed sourceeee
(Firstly prepare your desired sauce)
Ad kahlik n sum mooshlooms tu plava dem
(Add garlic and some mushrooms to flavour them)
Ahh ahh ahh, u mus limembear tu ad ohlif oiul
(Ahh ahh ahh, you must remember to add olive oil)
Kuk le pasta til andente
(Cook the pasta till soft)
Let dem lice n pheel eef le pasta yis souft eenarf
(Let them rice and feel if pasta is soft enough)
Wala..see fin ploduk...Pasta Le Mooshlooms
(There you have it, the finished product, pasta with mushrooms)
Today was such a fine day to cook pasta to have for lunch.Lucky for me, I called Le Grande Chef of Paris (lol..which is me myself la..must ss a bit la..give face a bit...) to cook for me.As he says, cooking is very easy with the correct ingredients, all you need is love and 3 minutes. I was supposed to go out today but mom warned me not to go due to some Hungry Ghost thingy.Ahh..stayed home again.These days, I keep fighting the cold which came back right after i was well.Thinking back, I've been sick non stop for 3 weeks now.Hope get well soon and fit for class on Monday.Anyway, stil waiting for Emily to get online and I can change my blog design.
P.s: Mom, You de-child us just like that? evil! :(
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
-Joanne's Treat-
Hey, it's about time since I started my blog. As some would say, i'm blooming a little much too late this season for blogging.Oh well, you have to get the mood in to blog don't you? It's my first day, so give some support la.Hehe.
Anyway, here are the snippets of what happened today.These pics show oso what can $150 and a screaming Joanne can do for you together with mom.
Anyway, here are the snippets of what happened today.These pics show oso what can $150 and a screaming Joanne can do for you together with mom.